There are several types of toxicity, some that we can’t help and some that we have control over. However, the latter can come with dilemmas of doing the right thing, or thinking you are doing the right thing but not because you feel it is the right thing. A friend spoke to me today of resentment, and that if we resent doing something then we aren’t helping in the best way possible and it’s actually damaging to the Soul. This kind of resentment then turns to toxicity that harms your Soul because you feel obliged to do something that you don’t want to do (because you know your goodwill is being abused), but think it is doing the right thing because it helps another person.
As a Guide, if you begin to resent your charge, or resent assisting them, then it is time to break the bond because it doesn’t serve either side, but moreover it is sapping the Guide’s energy which has limited resources and should be utilised carefully. It also takes a brave Guide to break that bond because it is tempting to persevere at their own detriment.
For example, we can advise and guide a Soul, but they must choose to act. Many give the appearance of willingness to act, but often make excuses not to act. The Guide then continues to encourage and support, but there is still apathy, and the Guide spends time mentoring and coaching until the early hours, sometimes all day, and the charge then takes it for granted and expects this support when they feel like it. That’s when resentment sets in, and I actually told the charges that I was beginning to resent them with them putting up non-existent obstacles for themselves. One would imagine that if someone was helping you and they told you that they had begun to resent helping you that you would then begin to act and to appreciate the assistance. Basically, it was because I knew they were abusing the good nature of the assistance and it began to impact on my own life and my other work.
While I had already decided to put a halt to things (after many warnings, not threats as I was under no obligation to help), upstairs also agreed because the lessons the charges needed to learn their lessons and instead of learning from me, they were using me to do their deeds. It’s a little like a student asking a teacher for the answer, where the teacher is there to help them to work out the answer, but they coerce the teacher to give them the answer without figuring it out for themselves. We are conditioned to believe that positive outcomes are the best outcomes, but spiritually that is not always the case. In this case, I believe there will be failures in the outcome, but that is in order for the charges to learn from their mistakes, apathy, and a failure to prioritise what is necessary.
Resentment can also grow from selfish expectation and manipulation. We all know we should help the elderly and neighbours if we can because it is the right thing to do, but there comes a point when goodwill is abused. I had to finally tell a neighbour to stop calling me unless it was an actual emergency, and we are talking calls several times a day to come over and do things like switch on a power socket. They have the money to pay for help (they have disability allowances too) but would rather keep the money and get neighbours to help for free. Friends and neighbours gradually stopped helping because of the manipulation, because they would ring and say come over to help making it sound like an emergency when it wasn’t. People began to resent being conned into coming over, and then feeling obliged to do things once they were inside the house. What the person failed to realise is that the ‘goodwill neighbours’ would have had to stop what they were doing to help them, which impinges on their life and their day, and they had no consideration for that.
That’s why people have choices, rather than feel resentful, they cut out the cause of the resentment. In the past, I have spent hours out of pity to help the neighbour, even half a day which then ruined all of my plans, and they had no thought for others except for themselves. I know some might say that’s not a spiritual attitude to take, but when someone abuses the goodwill of others then you have the right to protect yourself from feeling resentful and the toxicity that comes with it and that can eat away at your own Soul.
So, by trying to help someone, resentful feelings can arise when your goodwill is taken advantage of and abused, and can actually harm and damage you when selfish and manipulative people (who aren’t bad people, but can’t see that they are being selfish) take advantage of your good intentions. One could put up with it for a time, but resentment can surface and escalate quickly, and that’s when a Guide must be able to say ‘no’ and not cave in. There will be counter proposals suggested, but again that is a manipulative tactic and there can be no compromise when the aim is to use the Guide for their own benefit. Charges create a lot of toxicity for Guides, and the challenge is to balance this and know how to expel it, and to avoid toxicity from affecting them.