Guides and their boundaries

A few days ago, I exchanged Christmas messages with an old spiritual friend of mine who has chosen to cut down everything in the digital world. We discussed a few spiritual events and experiences, and they said they were intrigued by my role as a Guide with charges. I replied that it wasn’t as exciting as it seems, and with it comes frustrations and a need to stand back and to appear ruthless.

You see, there is a difference between friendship and the relationship between a Guide and a charge. We choose our friends, and there is give and take, whereas a Guide and a charge is not a chosen relationship, but a temporary one with a purpose and with it comes boundaries, often unspoken ones.

How often have your heard a parent tell a child that they are not their friend and wondered what that meant? What they are doing is redefining the boundaries of a relationship, and often these lines can get blurred.  A parent has an obligation to take care of the child, and it is not a relationship that is chosen. Naturally, some parent/child relationship do become friends in later years, but there are boundaries in most cases such as you wouldn’t go drinking with your parents on a wild night out.

The same is with a Guide and a charge, and there are boundaries that both sides need to be aware of. From the outside, the Guide appears to be a new and close friend of the charge, and that is so that others understand why the Guide is around, and the for Guide to fully understand the circumstances of the charge and their issues.

What is important to reiterate is that as a Guide, I am not a friend of the charge, even though I may act as one and appear as one, for I DID NOT CHOOSE to be a friend. Instead, I accepted the role as a Guide for a specific purpose. The boundaries often get blurred, for I have no responsibility as a friend towards the charge except to help guide them, and in return the charge should respect those boundaries, except many of them don’t. They treat me as a friend and get angry when I don’t do as they say, or expect me to respond as a friend. I am not their friend.

It can be hard for a Guide to be treated in such a manner, especially as some charges need guidance as they are blinded through arrogance and ego. I have seen many who have been arrogant, only to back down when they realised they were wrong. Then some get too attached and make demands on me through expectation. I choose when to help and stick to the Soul Lessons involved and don’t get mixed up in other issues, and that is where things get blurred again—they think because I have helped in one area, that I am obliged to help in other areas. I am not obliged to do so, and when I stray off the path to do more than I am supposed to, I get reprimanded. That has happened to me before, so some advice to other Guides—stick to the agenda and the reason why you are guiding and for that purpose alone.

I have had people intrigued by my being a Guide, and some asking to be trained. It is an appointed task that each Guide has the free will to accept or to deny, and comes with frustrations and limitations.  At times, there is often more than one task at hand, and that’s when one must choose to release those that aren’t getting anywhere. By that I mean the charges who simply are taking advantage of the aid and support given, but who are unwilling or who are not prepared or ready to do the work needed to complete the Soul Lesson. The purpose of the Guide is to show the way, and the lay down the tools for the charge to succeed and to learn. When they choose not to learn, what then? One keeps encouraging them, but then what if they choose not to learn? Then it is time to release them back to their own Guide to decide on their path.

You see, Soul Lessons are specific and can be learnt in a number of ways but if the Soul chooses not to learn, then they will encounter obstacles to nudge them to learn. What happens when they ignore those obstacles still?  Then a Guide can only do so much and cannot tell them that their situation has been through their own making for that is part of the lesson they need to learn. Obstacles include illnesses, losses (such as the death of those close to them), other losses such as a job, or a position can occur to make the charge prioritise things. However, I cannot tell the charge this because this is part of the lesson and one of the boundaries I must adhere to. A friend would be able to tell another such a thing, but a Guide has a responsibility to stand back and to allow the charge to figure this out for themselves.

Hopefully you can see why the Guide/charge relationship is not a friendship, even though it might seem like one as there are strict boundaries, but ones that the charge often doesn’t understand or realise. That’s why being a Guide can be hard and the lines of friendship can become blurred. Charges are not my friends, they do not owe me anything (except to respect the boundaries) nor do I want anything from them. I hope they learn their lessons so that I can close their case. I don’t choose charges either, for many cross my path in a variety of ways. Some have expected too much, and relied on me and that’s again where the boundaries are blurred. I am under no obligation to assist or to pretend to be a friend either. I have had some blame me for their life spiralling out of control after I had left, but it is not my remit to prop someone up in all that they do. Tasks are specific and if someone is intent on living a life with drugs, knowing the consequences after saving them more than once, then it is clear they have failed to learn their lesson or they don’t want to. Making the same mistake again means that they didn’t fully learn the intended lesson.

Again, if one chooses to to be blind to their responsibilities and fail to admit to their errors and to make amends, then they will fail their chosen Soul Lesson. One can spell it out for them and the consequences, and as they say, you can lead a horse to water, but they must choose to drink it. Yes, it can be frustrating to lay the groundwork for the charge, only for them to cover it all up and pretend to deal with it another time when they feel like it. Unfortunately, Guides cannot hang around forever as there are others in need, and Guides appear when needed only and a Guide knows when they must leave and that is never easy when the charge has chosen not to learn (I choose not to say fail) despite doing everything for the charge bar the actual act. A successful lesson is not the outcome (for example a win, or the success of a job) but what the Soul learned in the process. That means one can fail at something in the physical world, but have achieved their Soul Lesson in the process (an example, to lose a court case but to have learnt their Soul Lesson during the process).

I have also learnt that it is not the fault of the Guide either, for we can only support someone who is willing to learn, and lessons always entail some uncomfortable truths and hardships. I have one particular charge who as a defence mechanism likes to list all the hardships they have faced (even those not directly affecting them) as an excuse not to ‘learn’, and they fail to see that it is their arrogance that prevents them from evolving. Another charge likes to blame others for their plight, so you can see being a Guide is not easy at all, and is mentally challenging while retaining the boundaries and trying to assist.

Boundaries exist, and need to be adhered to by all sides, even though they get blurred. A Guide’s priority is for the Soul Lesson to be learned and not the outcome of a situation or issue, and often that is not what a charge will understand because many Soul Lessons are achieved through failures and losses.


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