It’s been a while since my last ‘Dark Night of the Soul’ and I wrote about it on my other blog where you can read it so I won’t repeat myself;
I write now more in hindsight and in reflection because it’s still very much misunderstood. Without having to repeat myself too much it’s a transient period, and that must be remembered in that it will not last for long, even though it may feel like that at the time.
I don’t wish to have another DNOTS, maybe I don’t need another, but it’s not something you can plan. I sense I may have one more, perhaps less intense one later on, but hope that it won’t be necessary. For those who feel they are undergoing a DNOTS, how do they know whether it is or not, or should they visit their doctor to seek treatment for depression? That’s why a DNOTS doesn’t last long, and if it is more than say 6 months, then it is likely to be depression and seeking help maybe a good idea.
Is a DNOTS spiritually useful? The best way to look at it is as another means for a Soul to learn difficult lessons. Not all lessons should be difficult and packed with doom and gloom, for example love is another lesson, and that usually brings about happiness, although it can also lead to sorrow. Nothing in life is definitive, and lessons have their pros and cons.
Do I feel my last major DNOTS was useful? To be frank, not really because there was so much pain and isolation around it I felt utterly lost and bewildered. It’s about 5 years ago now, and since then I had one minor period where it could have been classed as a mini DNOTS, but I gave in trying to fight for a path I desired in order to help others. Sometimes that’s Spirit’s way of choosing for you, which is why I feel free will is limited, and the paths we choose from can be shut down at any given time which means we must back track or have no choice but to follow the ones that are left. Not so much of a choice really.
Did I learn much during my DNOTS? I learnt to survive, to know what true loneliness was (and it’s not much fun), and that it is scary. Each day I tried to find a way to overcome things, but the more I tried the more upset and angry I became at myself. I felt weak, as if I was stranded in another dimension and trying to figure out where I was and what to do. It’s very hard to describe, and it can either encourage you to become more spiritual or the opposite. You see fighting it doesn’t work, passive resistance doesn’t either because you can’t just wait for it to be over. What you do is embrace each feeling and challenge, and go with instinct alone. That can be scary for those who depend on guidebooks that tell them what to think, do, and believe. The message is to throw it all out and to figure it out alone, and it’s scary because you don’t know what the outcome will be and whether what entails is good or bad. Quite simply, there is no good or bad result; it is whatever happens, and tosses out the concept of good or bad.
The reality of a DNOTS is that it doesn’t mean you are more spiritual if you go through the experience, and if you don’t learn from it or feel you haven’t then have you failed? Quite the contrary, because that is the point of the DNOTS, in that you learn during the period. I learnt a lot about myself and what I expected from myself and some weaknesses, and some strengths too in hindsight. When the period had passed, it seemed like a long bad dream, but I knew it was real. I was relieved it was over and took time to heal, well I tried as the DNOTS had weakened me physically and mentally, but strengthened my resolve.
I don’t feel spiritual people need to experience a DNOTS, and some will do so without even knowing it, which is why when people ask if they are going through a DNOTS, the chances are that they aren’t. There were good days and bad days, days where I struggled to get by, and others where I just plodded on and waited until nightfall. It was indeed a dark period where I couldn’t relate to others and no one seemed to understand me either. I had to make decisions, and I know some were not exactly good ones, but I don’t blame the DNOTS for one can only make decisions based on what they know and how they feel at the time.
I learnt to forgive myself for being less than perfect, which is why when I see discussions on perfection I categorically say it doesn’t exist. It’s like an eternal ball of string where there is no end; perfection has no definitive standard or result. We can strive for it, and see what is perfect for that moment, but it doesn’t last forever, nor are humans or Souls perfect for that reason. If they were, then they would have no reason to exist or to learn, and each Soul has an infinite capacity to learn, therefore, perfection is a transitory state, and that is what my DBOTS taught me. Day after day, things were less than perfect but I survived, even the best plans that were triple checked didn’t work out, and I had to accept that it wasn’t failure, but that perfection was not necessary. However, I still like things to be in some kind of order, but I no longer get angry when things are less than perfect, a little frustrated maybe, but it passes. One can have standards!
I’ve survived a few DNOTS experiences, and they are not something you should desire or look forward to. Embrace them if you will, but they consume your existence and challenge everything you know, and believe in. The thing is there is no answer and resolution which can be confusing because logically there should be. That’s why spiritual matters aren’t necessarily logical. I often wondered why my intense DNOTS occurred when it did, as it wasn’t an ideal time, but it was maybe a way for my Higher Self to get noticed. One of the reasons we fail to see and listen is due to external distractions, and when that occurs, sometimes Spirit takes drastic action such as a DNOTS when a Soul needs to stop and listen. I stopped and listened as I had no choice, so my message to those who don’t stop and listen when the signs are there are to do so, because if you don’t, getting forced to do so can lead to a DNOTS, which really isn’t much fun at all. In fact, I would go to say I have DNOTS scars embedded within me to remind me to stop and take stock of messages and signs.