There are some of us that feel an emptiness inside at times, and we search for some meaning or purpose, to life and what surrounds us. We want to know why certain things are so, or why isn’t life fairer. I know it sounds a bit heavy, but some people have jobs to go to, or family to look after, and they don’t think about the meaning of life because they are distracted or have no time. Do we even really need to think about it, or just live it? For some it’s not important and they carry on and seek a balance of pleasure, with paying the bills; that’s life for a huge sector of society, but not for all. Yes, it maybe easier not to think about it, but that doesn’t mean that the questions will stop being asked.
While we may question the purpose of our existence, I don’t rely on God for an explanation, but look at what I wish to achieve in this incarnation. It may sound a little strange not to ask God or a Guide for an answer, but they are not supposed to give us answers, because we need to figure out that part ourselves. We don’t need things to be explained, for if we did, what lessons have we learned? I reflect upon my own incarnation thus far, and I look at the emptiness within. Others may say we should look for gratitude, and look at what we were gifted with, yet I am skeptical of this notion. Are they things that the physical realm considers gifts?
Some may say they are gifted with good health, but that is actually predetermined to an extent, and controllable on the physical plane. Souls maybe born with a disability for a reason, to help them or those around them to learn lessons. Then people can take responsibility to take care of their health, or those who are in good health may have genes that counteract that. What about those born with good looks or financial stability? Again, these are predetermined before an incarnation, so are they gifts when they were already planned? Maybe some spiritual folks will say the love of their family is a gift, but can you measure love, and can you control those around you to love you without manipulation or unconditionally? Love like trust and respect and earned and cannot be bought with actions or material objects. People try, but and it may work for a short period of time, but it’s a case of quid pro quo rather than a conscious action in most cases.
I asked myself the question, “What have I been gifted with?” and to be honest I struggled with a rational answer. In the end it has nothing to do with anything my parents have provided, or anything I have actually done. My gifts are my Soul, my brain, and my morals and ethics. None of these are things that can be bought or transferred, and are what I arrived on this earth with. I value these things more so as I see society crumbling and people around me saying and doing meaningless things, and focusing on petty matters. To them it obviously isn’t meaningless right now, but once they have transitioned they will see how trivial it all was, yet my morals, and ethics will remain with my Soul eternally.
Trivial matters govern the lives of mainly younger souls, the retired, the bored housewife, and the rich whose lives revolve around shopping, eating out and taking vacations. They pick at small matters that only concern them and in fact do no harm, and it’s this wasted energy in the Universe that is defining society and how it functions. Having to deal with these tiring Souls who are petty can be hard work mentally. In the physical realm I wasn’t gifted with much, but had the basics. Most people (including my immediate family) are young souls, and perhaps my role is to help them to learn, because I have been the anchor for all of them since I was a toddler. The spiritual side of me wants to see this as fulfilling, but if I am being honest it’s tiring, mainly unappreciated, and frustrating. It’s a little like an employee who don’t like their bosses but who are stuck with them and put up with it. I’m also going to be honest in that I don’t actually like any of my family, yet I tolerate them and feel responsible for them. There are moments that I stop and let them fall, but then I have to pick up the pieces and so I create more work for myself. That is my emptiness within—that what I do for others, they will not understand or see it.
Being an Old or Ancient Soul is lonely because no one can truly see what really matters, and why I do prefer to be alone to find some solace and balance in knowing what I do is for the bigger picture. An Ancient Soul sees darkness, although they are not attracted to it, at times it can balance things and ground them so they see the reality of what is really around them. In other words, it puts things into perspective, that what many people (not Souls) focus on is meaningless in the long term, and what they don’t focus on could be meaningful in the long term.
For example, people focus on what they look like and while looking clean and tidy is necessary, I’m talking about plastic surgery and the bikini body obsessions that let’s face it when you are dead and buried really isn’t going to matter. Even in a subsequent incarnation it won’t matter because you will have a different body and appearance. Maybe they focus on say being frugal? One hears of people dying and leaving millions while they made do with their living standards or ate frugally. Again, what is the point, while one doesn’t encourage extravagance, what is the point of eating cheap unhealthy food and leaving money to the taxman and to charity? It’s a choice, but is it wise one? Learning to be frugal is necessary for some people, but it does boil down to being controlled by the material and allowing it to define your choices.
Ironically, what people choose not to focus on because they don’t see any immediate benefit is what could help them to grow. An example is learning to be humble; now often there is a choice to be humble, ignorant, or arrogant in a given situation. Many will subconsciously pick the most advantageous option, which may not always be the best in the long term. People don’t usually stop to think about the long-term implications, but a Soul that has awakened can see the relevance.
There is always the easy option, the right thing to do, or the option that provides benefits. At times that can mean missing out on physical realm things, or having those around you criticizing or shunning you. Some won’t understand, because they feel their choice is better. Even if you try to explain it to them, they won’t always listen, but remember, you don’t have to justify your own actions. For many, they cannot see the bigger picture right now, but when they transition they will be reminded of the options they had, and the real reasons for their choice. One thing I will tell you is that choosing to do the right and moral thing is something that will remain with the Soul eternally, but to get to that stage some errors will be made, for that is how one learns.
I hope you can see that much of what society focuses on isn’t conducive to Soul Growth, or that less emphasis is put upon things that actually do matter. I see so much pettiness around me when it really doesn’t matter—if it doesn’t harm or affect another, then it shouldn’t matter. It’s hard to ignore and endure at times when it’s repetitive. Maybe it’s about control? However control is about ego when it concerns others. As for my own immediate family, they are uninspiring young souls that all seek control of others. I let them think that for an easier time, but every now and then I put the brakes on and it shocks them. I will endure my mother’s pettiness as I have done my entire life (there was a spell of not seeing or speaking for a decade or so for my own sanity), tolerate my father’s frugal nature despite the fact he knows he can’t take his money with him and in the space of two years he has nearly died in hospital, and my brother’s arrogance in that he blames someone or something else for anything that goes wrong. I accept this, but I don’t find it useful to me, but I cannot change the vision of those who are blind to what they need to learn and focus on.
I try to think what do I gain from this spiritually—okay, my tolerance and patience levels have been tested to the limit, and I can see that some Souls simply cannot learn even with the best Guides and Mentors around them. I have learned that the Soul must want to learn before they can be taught, and be ready. I have little more to learn from them, yet they have more to learn from me and it’s hard work. I question if I must stay to guide those who cannot see what they need to in order to grow. It’s not looking as if it’s a great deal for me; however, the contracts will end when one side will transition (it’s either me or them).
A teacher gains fulfillment from the success of their students, or that they have been able to help. When that doesn’t happen, it can seem like a failure, but can a teacher be responsible for a student that doesn’t wish to learn? That is my emptiness within, and my struggle to maintain my morals, ethics, and integrity in a realm where many cannot see the long-term benefits. For many they want to know, “What’s in it for me?” or they aren’t interested. This is why Old and Ancient Souls prefer not to reincarnate; for them the emptiness and loneliness can feel like failure. Trying to see a lack of success not as a failure isn’t easy, and that is another lesson I am learning—that my existence is also for others, and while I must endure and tolerate a lonely emptiness within, that is one of my Soul Purposes. I will openly admit I yearn for more inspiring Souls around me, and that financial stability would make a small difference, yet I also know my time here is transient and it won’t matter soon. An incarnation can be an endurance test for Ancient Souls, and so I will indulge in some familiar old texts that help fill the emptiness.